Before I became a mother, I had many romantic notions of motherhood...
I tried to learn everything I could growing up to be a good wife and mother someday - I put all my life experiences into an internal file to draw from later, sure that these would prove to be the majority of the information I needed to raise a child. I had many notions of what every aspect of motherhood would be like. Here are some pre-baby examples on my thinking:
1. You can achieve balance between working and having children - I once wrote a college paper based on this thesis, after narrowing it down (really... now I see how broad it still is). At the time, I was working full time, often long hours and I guess just assumed everything would balance itself. Well, once I had my first daughter, I learned so much about this "thesis" of mine that I think it was ridiculous for me to even think about writing on the topic before having a child. Once I went back to work after six weeks of maternity leave, (which goes by so, so fast) I dealt with daily anxiety about my baby not being in my care... What if the nanny/babysitter called while I was in a meeting or out of the office and it was an emergency? What if something horrible happened to my child and I wasn't there? On top of that, I had trouble finding someone to care for my daughter after the first caretaker moved away, and I wouldn't let just anyone take care of my precious child. I'm not talking about whether or not they spoke Latin and French... nothing like that - I just wanted to find someone I knew without a doubt I could trust and that was prepared to handle any situation with my child. Perhaps my anxiety stemmed from unrealistic expectations - I mean, I know that things happen that you can't always be prepared for... Anyway, those anxieties are the reason I am now a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM). I truly feel for those who have no choice but to stay at work when they want to stay at home. On the flip side, I do miss working, too (or certain aspects of my previous job).
2. I can exercise as much as I want being a SAHM - Ahhh, exercise... I used to be in pretty good shape - running, lifting weights, circuit training... Now, running seven miles on a treadmill, then lifting weights afterward, then taking a shower (without some whining or crying), getting a smoothie (and having it all to myself)... those all seem like distant, blissful memories of mine. Ok, I know I need to just work it out, but perhaps in this and subsequent posts you'll understand why fitness has been such a hurdle for me after I started staying at home... maybe I'll do a posting on this subject alone. I will say now, though... I truly thought I could get up early in the morning and work out - or work out as much as I wanted every day.. after all, I would be at home, not working - I was sure there would be plenty of spare moments to steal for exercise... If you're laughing right now, I completely understand...
3. My house will be spotless since I'll be at home - I have been described before as a perfectionist, and as having OCD when it came to cleaning... I don't know if either of those is true or accurate at all, but I do know that no one would use those references now... {sigh} I still use old toothbrushes to clean every nook and cranny, but by the time I've cleaned something to my liking, it seems the whole house is in disarray again... (Again, there are many tangents here that I may expound on in later postings.)
I could spend hours upon hours on my romantic notions of motherhood, but I am holding a sleeping baby in one arm, and typing with my free hand... Besides, there is just so much to do around here other than blogging... So, I will save more to post later.
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